Tuck You In
by Clara Barton
Summary: He had grown up around drunks - the casual and the chronic - and he had first-hand experience with nearly every kind of drunk. Angry. Chatty. Horny. Sleepy. Maudlin. Frantic. Dissociated. Trowa had learned, as a kid, which ones to stay away from, which ones to beg a favor from, which ones to hide from. Day 6 of 31 Days of Smut
A/N: A request for "drunk 2x3 - casual and cute" from Shinigami-irae over on the tumblrs. And okay, I failed. Because you said casual and cute and I made complicated and dark. I'm sorry. I really, really am. Combining this with Amberly's request for a pining Trowa 2x3 and oblivious Duo

A/N 2: I live for reviews. Even if it's just "loved it" - every review makes my day and inspires me to write more.

A/N 3: A special and enormous thanks to Maevemauvaise who, in addition to exchanging all caps frantic typing with me is taking on the dubious honor of beta reading for me. THANK you so much. And a very special thanks to The Manwell for editing this as well.

Warnings: language, smut, fluff, angst

Pairings: 2x3, background 1x5

 _March 6: Tuck You In_

No one would ever call the Yuy-Chang wedding the wedding of the century. Not unless they were compiling a list of the dullest, least creative weddings, in which case, Trowa felt confident, the Yuy-Chang wedding would easily take the top of the list.

The ceremony itself had been held in a Preventer's briefing room with Une standing in as an officiant and a handful of the pair's friends in attendance. Trowa, Duo, Sally, Quatre and Relena - literally a handful.

At least the reception was somewhere slightly less dull: the bar two blocks from Headquarters that most agents, even Heero and Wufei, visited when their shifts ended. The reception was also better attended, with dozens of Preventers agents taking advantage of free food and liquor as well as the rare chance to rib Heero and Wufei about being a happy couple.

Trowa had parked himself at the bar, away from the rowdy agents and the couple at the center of it all, both of whom seemed to be trying to decide if a smirk or a scowl was the most appropriate expression to wear.

"I'm surprised they didn't have the reception in the commissary," Duo muttered as he leaned against the bar beside Trowa.

"Booked for Keller's son's bar mitzvah," Trowa said.

Duo stared at him for a moment before realizing it was a joke. He smirked and shook his head and, as Trowa watched, downed a shot of whisky.

Trowa arched an eyebrow at that. Duo rarely drank - in fact Trowa could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Duo drink and still three have fingers to spare.

It was also clear that this was not Duo's first drink of the evening.

Trowa watched him get another shot from the bartender and send it the way of the first.

"How much have you had?" Trowa asked.

Duo shrugged one shoulder.

"Dunno. Lost count after Chambers challenged me to outdrink him."

Trowa looked around for Chambers, a large man who worked with Duo in the Science and Tech Division. He saw him in a corner, looking dazed and miserable and nursing a glass of water.

"He won?" Trowa guessed, taking in the man's state and comparing it to Duo's.

Duo snorted derisively. "What? Hell no. I don't lose. Nah, I drank him under the table - seriously, he fell under the table."

Considering that Chambers weighed at least twice what Duo did, and the fact that Duo likely had a low alcohol tolerance, Trowa didn't know whether to be impressed with Duo or ashamed of Chambers.

"And you don't think you've had enough?" Trowa asked, snagging the shot Duo reached for and drinking it himself.

He winced at the burn before meeting Duo's irritated gaze.

"Nope. I'm celebrating - wishing 'Ro and 'Fei happy nuptials and all that shit."

Duo grabbed another shot and lifted in a salute before downing it.

"This seems less like a celebration and more of a wake," Trowa said, gesturing at Duo.

Duo shrugged one shoulder.

"Maybe, that too."

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

He wondered what Duo could possibly be mourning. He followed Duo's gaze, over to where Wufei and Heero were sharing a look with each other, the rest of the room completely forgotten.

Oh.

Trowa had always wondered about that, about Duo and Heero.

It figured. It explained, at least, why Duo was always so oblivious to Trowa's efforts.

"I just - I thought we were in this shit together, you know? I thought we - whatever. Doesn't matter now, does it?" Duo's lips twisted into a sneer and he drank another shot.

He signaled for yet another, but Trowa intercepted it again and drank it.

Duo glared.

"Look, Tro, you want to get drunk, go for it, but I have _just_ as much right to get shit faced as the next guy - hell, _more_ right and -"

Duo was pointing a finger at Trowa while he spoke, emphasizing his words by stabbing his finger closer and closer to Trowa's face until his finger strayed dangerously close to Trowa's eye.

Trowa caught Duo's hand. "I think you're already well past shit faced, Duo," he said.

"Yeah," Duo agreed. "I think you're right."

He seemed to collapse on himself, shoulders sagging and bravado fading.

"Let's get you home."

Duo sighed and cast another mournful look at Heero and Wufei and then shrugged.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. But only -" Duo pulled his hand free from Trowa and jabbed his finger into Trowa's chest, "only if you promise to tuck me in."

Duo offered him a manic grin.

Trowa sighed.

Duo had no idea just how much he wanted to do exactly that.

"Sure," he said in a put-upon voice. "Now let's go wish Heero and Wufei a happy honeymoon and get you out of here."

Trowa had meant to lead Duo over to their table, but Duo clearly had other ideas.

He picked up one of the empty shot glasses and banged it on the bar until the room fell silent and everyone looked at him.

Duo held up the empty shot glass.

"To the happy couple. 'Grats Heero and Wufei. You two managed to be happy together even after all the shit you put each other through. You know - you two have almost died a _lot_ and you've always been alone before, you know? Always just you and death and -"

Trowa had no idea where Duo was going with this speech, but it didn't sound like it was headed in a good direction. He looked around the room and saw the frowns, the arched eyebrows, the scowls. He started to think of how he could interrupt and steer this toast back on course.

" - and now, well, now you don't have to face it down alone. Now you've got each other and hell, man, you two together? That's an unstoppable force." Duo lifted the glass again. "Fuck death and fuck - well, hell. Fuck you guys for finally finding happiness. You deserve it."

There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Chambers, over in the corner and still looking miserable, cheered.

"Fuck you guys!" he shouted.

A moment later, everyone else in the bar raised their glasses and echoed the cheer.

"Fuck you guys!"

Heero and Wufei glared at Duo.

Duo, completely out of character, wasn't smirking back at them, wasn't enjoying this moment at all. Instead he just shrugged and started to walk out of the bar.

Trowa followed him, not bothering to make his own toast - even if he had been inclined he had no idea how to follow _that_.

Duo was already outside, already shivering, already had the lapels of his suit jacket turned up and his hands thrust into his pockets, when Trowa caught up to him.

"Great toast," Trowa said as he fell into step beside Duo, turning up his own collar to protect his neck. He hadn't thought to bring a jacket - had intended on catching a cab back to his apartment after only a few drinks at the bar. He hadn't thought he would be walking a drunk, belligerent Duo home.

Duo shrugged and kicked at a rock on the sidewalk. Trowa had to reach out a hand and steady him.

"Never claimed to be a wordsmith," Duo muttered.

Trowa had to snort at that.

No, no Duo never had. Eloquence wasn't something he would often, or ever, be accused of. Still, even as odd as his toast had been, it was trademark Duo - honest, a little vulgar, and very raw.

Trowa had always wondered at that, wondered how Duo managed to _feel_ everything and stay sane - or at least relatively sane. It was one of the things about Duo that drew Trowa to him, Duo's ability to feel things, his ability to express them - consequences be damned. Trowa wanted Duo's passion directed at him, wanted his rants about post-war economic downturns and shoddy agricultural mech maintenance to become hours-long lists of things Duo liked about _him_. Hell, even things Duo _hated_ about him. Just… something.

Trowa had no idea what Duo did with his Preventers salary, but it sure as hell wasn't spending it on rent. Duo only lived a few blocks from Preventers HQ, his apartment was in a shitty quarter of the city that could politely be called middle lower class.

He had only been over a few times - once to help Duo move out of the Preventers barracks and into the apartment in the first place when both Wufei and Heero had begged off helping him; once when Duo had brought home his first rescue cat and Duo had had to go out of town and insisted that the cat needed someone to stay with him overnight; once when, two years later, that same rescue cat, already old and cancer riddled when Duo adopted him, had been at death's door and Trowa had sat up with Duo all night while the cat died; and, most recently, when Duo had decided to replace his old piece-of-shit couch with a newer, slightly less awful-looking couch and Trowa had volunteered to help him carry it up the seven flights of stairs to Duo's apartment.

As he walked just behind Duo up those same stairs now, Trowa found himself wishing he was carrying the damn couch again instead of watching Duo weave back and forth, surging forward and then rocking back with nearly every upward step.

When they finally made it to the top - with Duo only falling backwards into Trowa's arms twice - Trowa let out a sigh of relief and held out his hands for Duo's keys.

"I can do it myself." Duo scowled at him and dug deep in his pockets for the keys.

So Trowa leaned against the wall beside the door and watched Duo fumble, watched him stick his tongue between his teeth as he concentrated and he silently thanked whatever god might be out there that Duo had never attempted to pilot a Gundam drunk because surely, if he had, the war would have gone in a very different direction.

Duo finally got the key in and he looked over at Trowa and offered up a cocky smirk before shoving it open.

"Home sweet home!" He announced and threw his arms up as he stepped inside.

Trowa rolled his eyes and followed, removing Duo's keys from the door before closing and locking it. He set the keys down on the nearby coffee table.

"Fluff. Fat. How ya doin', my brothers?" Duo greeted his two cats.

Trowa had seen photos of them, had been surprised and amused that Duo treated all of his cats, past and present, like prodigies that had to be shown off at all times. Heero and Wufei almost always ignored him, Duo's enthusiasm doing nothing to override their inherent distaste for cats and photographs of cats, but Trowa was always an engaged audience. If he was being honest with himself, Trowa would probably have been just as interested if Duo was showing him pictures of pet rocks as cats.

Fluff, so named because the cat was incredibly thin but gifted with an enormous, fluffy tale that was full even when she wasn't posturing, and Fat, named for his prodigious weight which Duo still couldn't get under control, scampered over to their human and wove through his legs.

Duo grinned down at them.

"Ah, my buddies. Everybody else might abandon us but at least we've got each other, right?" Duo asked as he picked up Fluff and stared her in the face.

Trowa shook his head.

Maybe Heero had abandoned Duo - but Trowa? Trowa was standing _right there_. Trowa was _always_ standing right there and Duo never seemed to notice him.

"You need food? Well, I mean, obviously _you_ don't need it, Fat, but let's take a look."

It felt like Duo had, once again, completely forgotten Trowa's existence. He watched Duo and the cats walk away, deeper into the apartment and out of sight. He heard the rattle of an empty bowl, the excited meows of the cats as Duo poured more food, and then Duo reappeared.

He saw Trowa and blinked in surprise. "Oh."

Trowa arched an eyebrow. "Yeah. I walked you home?"

Duo blushed. "Yeah, no, I was there. I just - I thought you left."

And cue his exit music, Trowa thought sardonically. "On my way out now," he snapped.

"No wait - wait, wait, Tro." Duo grabbed his arm as he reached for the door. "Don't - don't go yet. Just -" Duo looked a little desperate, looked like he was struggling to figure out what to say next, and then he grinned. "You promised to tuck me in, after all. Gotta keep your promise."

Trowa glared at him and Duo dropped his hand.

"No. You're right. I'm a fucking idiot." Duo shook his head and turned away.

Trowa frowned at the change in Duo's tone, at the shift in his body language.

"Duo -"

"No, no, it's cool." Duo waved over his shoulder. He tugged off his jacket and threw it on the floor.

Trowa watched as Duo struggled with his bowtie, watched him give up and instead pull his dress shirt free of his trousers and unbutton it. Watched him take off the dress shirt and stand there, in just a bowtie and his trousers and he couldn't help but think that Duo had never looked sexier or more ridiculous.

"Need a hand?" he asked when Duo tried to loosen the bowtie and failed again.

Duo glared at him but dropped his hands to his sides.

Trowa walked over and made quick work of the knot before pulling the gray silk from around Duo's neck and holding it out to him.

Duo shivered and lowered his eyes.

"Thanks," he mumbled as he took the bowtie from Trowa's hand.

"Not a problem."

"Not for _you_ , no. Nothing's ever a problem for you."

Duo turned away again and started to walk towards his bedroom. He kicked off his shoes, dropped the bowtie, and stepped out of his trousers on the way.

Trowa looked at the trail of abandoned clothes and then at Duo, naked except for his socks and his briefs, as he disappeared into his bedroom.

 _What the hell?_

He was torn. Part of him was saying go. Get out now. Another part, the stupid part that always told him to do stupid, stupid things was saying go. Follow him.

Trowa listened to the stupid part.

He followed Duo into the bedroom and saw that he was laying on his bed face down, arms and legs spread wide, braid flung above his head.

"You should probably drink some water. Take some aspirin."

Duo didn't move for a moment, but then he rolled over and looked at Trowa through bleary eyes.

"You wanna fuck?" Duo asked.

Trowa stared. "What?"

Duo sat up on his knees and scooted over to the edge of the bed.

"C'mon. I'm fucking depressed and I'm horny and you know, do you wanna fuck?"

Not the circumstances Trowa had wanted such an invitation to be issued in.

"Duo -"

"C'mon." Duo reached out and pulled Trowa forward and Trowa stumbled, banged his shins against the metal frame of the bed and lost his balance.

They fell back on the bed, Duo's grip on Trowa's shirt holding him in place, on top of Duo.

Duo grinned up at him and wrapped his legs around Trowa's waist. He held him close and pressed his lips against Trowa's.

"Just - hell, Tro, you can pretend I'm someone else. Just close your eyes and you could be fucking anyone." Duo's words were a whisper against Trowa's face.

Trowa pulled back, pushing himself as far away from Duo as the other man's hold allowed.

"Is that what you're going to do?" He asked, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. "Close your eyes and pretend I'm someone else? Pretend I'm -" he stopped himself before he said it, before he said Heero. It hurt too much, in that moment, to form his mouth around the name.

Duo glared up at him for a moment and then shook his head and closed his eyes. His legs slid down, freeing Trowa.

"Forget it," he said, his voice barely audible. "Stupid fucking idea in the first place."

Duo pulled himself out from under Trowa and rolled over onto his side, facing away.

Trowa looked at the line of his back, at the gentle curve into his waist, his long legs. Every line, every inch, spoke of defeat.

He rarely saw Duo like this - the night his first cat had died, the field mission that had cost Duo his commission and seen him reassigned to Science and Tech, maybe two or three times during the war. Nothing - _nearly_ nothing - had the power to defeat Duo.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry he left you," Trowa said eventually, wishing he could say nothing and just walk away but knowing that he couldn't.

Duo's shoulders stiffened. "Yeah, well. It was gonna happen, wasn't it? Everybody always does, one way or another."

Trowa frowned. He didn't know much about Duo's personal life - he was private, just as much if not more than the rest of them - and while Trowa had seen endless photos of Duo's cats, he had never seen a photo of Duo with someone. Hell, he hadn't even known Duo and Heero were a thing - had only ever wondered, had only ever feared.

Did Duo have a string of ex-lovers who had married and left him behind?

"I just - I just thought he got me, you know?" Duo rolled back over, onto his back, and he glared up at the ceiling. "We're the same, you know? We'd both been through all that shit. We both watched our lives - our fucking family or, well, you know, the closest thing I had to a family - burn and we were in it together. I was going to spend the rest of my fucking life miserable and alone and he was, too. And I - fuck, I'm the worst fucking friend in the world. I want him to be happy. I want him and 'Ro to be happy and all that shit but now - now I'm the only one broken beyond repair. Now I'm the only one in the scrap heap just waiting to be melted down."

It took Trowa a minute, took him _way_ too long to process what Duo was saying.

"Wufei? You - you and _Wufei_?"

Duo looked over at him with a frown.

"Me and Wufei what? Oh. Yeah. I get it. I'm a piece of trash and he's lord high and mighty and you're right, you're fucking right. The prince always gets a happy ending or whatever. But I just… fuck, I'm so tired of being alone, Trowa. I'm so tired of knowing that when I go no one's gonna talk about me. No one's going to remember me or even fucking _care_ \- when I'm gone there won't be anything left of me."

Trowa had never heard Duo talk like this. He made a mental note to never, ever let Duo get drunk again.

He had grown up around drunks - the casual and the chronic - and he had first-hand experience with nearly every kind of drunk. Angry. Chatty. Horny. Sleepy. Maudlin. Frantic. Dissociated. Trowa had learned, as a kid, which ones to stay away from, which ones to beg a favor from, which ones to hide from.

Despite all of that, Trowa had no idea what to do with Duo. He didn't know if he should stay away, if he should beg, if he should run. He had the urge to do all three.

"I didn't realize you and Wufei were - had been - together." Talking. He could talk. He could let Duo talk. And maybe the words would feel like knives scraping over his skin, but it was better than any other option Trowa could think of.

Duo frowned. "What - me and _Wufei_?"

Trowa blinked away the feeling of deja vu. "Isn't that - what are you talking about?"

"I - you thought I meant - Trowa you thought _Wufei and me_ \- no. No way, man. Are you - he would kill me. I'd kill _him_." Duo shook his head and he chuckled. "Holy hell no. Can you even - can you even _imagine_ me and Wufei and -" The chuckle turned into full on hysterical laughter. Duo curled up, holding his sides as he laughed and Trowa scowled.

He didn't appreciate being laughed at under the best of circumstances, and these were decidedly _not_ the best of circumstances.

"Oh my God," Duo moaned and wiped at his eyes. "Wufei and me. Tro, that is the - that is the most fucked up thing I've ever _heard_."

"You've been going on and on about how he _left_ you to go be happy with Heero. What the hell was I supposed to think?"

Duo stopped laughing and stared at him.

"Oh." He frowned and then a moment later he nodded. "Yeah. I guess I see where you're coming from." He sighed and rolled over to face Trowa. "Wufei and I we're just - only ever been - friends. You know, after the war it was really rough for a while, when I was still doing field work. The PTSD. The shitty fucking colonial administrators. It was… I was barely keeping it together."

Trowa remembered. He remembered it all too well. Remembered all the times he had hovered in the med bay while Duo recovered from whatever near suicidal action he had most recently thrown himself into. Remembered reading over the mission reports. Remembered sitting for hours on the phone with those shitty fucking colonial administrators and trying to soothe them in the wake of the destruction Duo had left. Remembered the meeting in Une's office, remembered Heero arguing that Duo should be allowed to continue field operations, remembered finally shouting Heero down and calling Duo a walking time bomb that needed to be contained. Remembered the look of complete devastation on Duo's face when Une had re-assigned him. Remembered that night at the bar when Duo had been drunk, when Heero had been pissed and just _done_ trying to cope with a purposeless Duo and finally told the long haired man that Trowa had been the one to recommend his reassignment. Remembered the fist fight, the chair smashed over his back, the broken bottle that had left scars on both his and Duo's forearms.

"Anyway, after… after you know," Duo looked away from Trowa's face and huffed, "Wufei and I started to hang out. He'd been there, you know? He lasted what - one? Two field missions before Une pulled his ass and assigned him to intel. Plus the moon. Nothing like almost dying together to form a friendship you know? So we talked. We worked out together. We were broken together. We were… we were broken and nothing was ever going to fix us but we were fine, right? Overlooked. Forgotten. Shoved into the trash bin. But we weren't going to give up."

Trowa swallowed the lump in his throat, swallowed the words that wanted to spill out, the apology he had never said aloud, even after all these years. It wouldn't help. He didn't know what would.

"And then he left you to be with Heero. I get it now."

Duo nodded and Trowa saw his throat work, saw Duo's eyes water and he looked away, allowed him the moment of struggle.

"I want him to be happy," Duo rasped after a moment. "I want both of them to be happy. I just - I'm tired, Trowa. Really, really fucking tired."

"Me too," Trowa admitted.

Duo snorted. "I'm not talking about sleep, Trowa. I'm talking about -"

"I know what you're talking about," Trowa cut him off. "You think you're the only one that's broken? You think you and Wufei were part of some exclusive club of fucked up people who don't know what to do with their lives? Who have no past and no future? You think you're the only one who got swept into the trash pile? You think you're the only one who has to leave the commissary on meatball day because it looks and fucking _smells_ like a battlefield? You think you're the only one alone - the only one desperate enough to proposition someone they hate for just a moment - just one fucking second of comfort?"

The words exploded from Trowa, louder and quicker than he had intended. And then they were there, a minefield spread out between them.

Duo's eyes were wide, his rapid breathing shallow.

Silence stretched between them, an unbreachable chasm that continued to grow and grow.

Fat jumped up onto the bed, purring loudly, and walked between them. He headbutted Trowa, his small skull sharp against Trowa's jaw.

"He wants you to pet him."

"I know."

Trowa drew in a deep breath, forced himself to calm down, forced himself to feel that icy nothingness that kept him together, and he petted the cat.

"I don't hate you."

The words were soft, almost drowned out by Fat's purrs of contentment and Trowa had to shift away from the cat butt in his face to get a clear view of Duo.

"I never have."

Trowa arched an eyebrow at that.

"I didn't," Duo protested and met his gaze. "I was pissed - so pissed I cased your apartment for a solid month and almost broke in twice to wreck the place but I - I didn't."

Trowa had never known that. Had had no idea that Duo had done that - had set up surveillance? Had stalked him? It sent a shiver down his spine. Shinigami. Not so at ease in his grave at all.

"It took me a while to get it over it but I… fuck, I can't believe I finally have to say it. You were right. About me. You were right to pull me from the field. I was - hell I was asking for death."

"I know."

Duo gave him a bitter, twisted smile. "How is that you knew it when Heero didn't? When _I_ didn't?"

"Because I watched you, Duo. I watched you fall apart. I watched you come back from missions which entire chunks of your soul missing. You couldn't see it - you were too close. And Heero… Heero's never been good at seeing things that weren't shoved right under his nose."

That shocked a laugh out of Duo.

"Amen to that. Fuck - do you know that's what Wufei had to do? To get Heero to even realize he was interested? Wufei had to literally throw himself at Heero, had to pin the bastard down and kiss him before Heero got it. And _then_ \- then he fucking got it. Then he realized that Wufei had been flirting with him for _months_."

Trowa nodded. "He would have realized it, at your funeral. Would have been able to look back and see you dying."

"Jesus, Tro." Duo scrubbed at his face.

Fat walked over to him, interpreting Duo's gesture as a play for his attention.

Trowa watched Duo pet the cat and he wondered, wondered what -

"You… you've slept with someone, with people, that you hate? Just to not be alone?" Duo's voice was fragile, uncertain, his cheeks red.

"Yeah," Trowa admitted. He wasn't proud of it, wasn't proud that he had to bury himself in strangers or, worse, superior officers who wanted a quick fuck and saw him as no more than a piece of an ass, an annoyance at work that they could pound their frustrations into off the clock.

He would feel ashamed, would probably feel humiliated, if he allowed himself to feel anything about it at all. But he didn't. He shoved his emotions to the recesses of his mind and he pulled his trousers down and the only things he _felt_ were physical. The only thought he allowed himself was the knowledge that he wasn't alone. That for now - for that moment, for ten, fifteen - thirty minutes he wasn't alone.

"You don't have to, you know."

Trowa frowned at him.

"You don't have to fuck them - not unless… I'm just saying. If you need that you can… I'm here."

Trowa studied Duo's face, his earnest expression. Duo thought he was helping, thought he was offering Trowa an easier path. It was laughable. Almost.

"Like I said - you can close your eyes and pretend I'm someone else if you have to but you - you don't have to do _that_ , Tro."

"I don't want to pretend you're someone else, Duo."

The admission slipped from him too easily.

Duo's brows lowered in a confused frown.

"You really - you'd prefer fucking someone you hate? Or - oh." Duo's lips thinned. "You hate me, too. You hate me _more_." He shook his head and let out a sigh. "Jesus, Tro. You should have just -"

It felt like Trowa wasn't even in control of his own body, wasn't conscious or aware or _able_ to stop himself. He leaned over and kissed Duo, silenced the stream of words from his mouth and held him in place until Duo's eyes widened, until they locked with Trowa's, until Duo relaxed under him and his lips parted and Trowa tasted him for the first time.

Duo's hands wrapped around him and they both ignored Fat as the cat screeched in protest. Duo pulled Trowa against him, forcing Fat to jump away and Trowa tangled his legs in Duo's, rolled them so that Duo's body was flush against his, so that Duo was looking down at him.

Duo broke free, sucked in a deep breath and stared at him.

"You really don't hate me? This isn't - this isn't pity or -"

Trowa kissed him again and tried to show Duo just how much he didn't hate him.

"I need to hear it, Tro. I need to - you have no idea how long I've wanted you to not hate me."

And in that moment Trowa realized what Duo was saying, what he was asking.

How had he missed it? How had he watched Duo all of these years and not seen - not known how Duo felt about him?

Jesus. They were both as blind as Heero.

He cupped Duo's head in his hands, rubbed his thumbs over Duo's flushed cheeks.

"I've never hated you. Well. I've never hated you except when you make me move your shit."

A surprised, nervous laugh bubbled up from Duo. "I didn't _make_ you do anything."

"Begged. Bribed. Forced. You made me do it."

Duo looked down at him as if seeing him for the first time, and it made Trowa feel exposed and vulnerable and his heart ached.

Duo ran the pad of his thumb over Trowa's lips. "You got me pulled from the field because you didn't want me to die."

"I got you pulled from the field because I didn't know how to live in a world that didn't have you in it."

Duo kissed him, his lips so gentle they seared Trowa to the core.

"Why did you never say anything?" Duo asked as he kissed Trowa's face, lips brushing over his cheeks, his eyebrows, his nose, his forehead.

"You mean why did I never tell the guy who tried to stab me with a broken beer bottle that I loved him?"

He could feel Duo smile against his throat as he continued to kiss him. "Fair point."

He felt Duo's fingers glide up his chest, felt them tug at buttons and he marveled at Duo's dexterity now compared to when they had first arrived in the apartment.

Soon Duo had his shirt open, drew it out from Trowa's trousers and splayed his palms wide over Trowa's naked flesh.

Duo's gaze was intense and Trowa felt like the other man was committing his body to memory. It felt… indescribably important to have Duo looking at him like this. He mattered. He mattered to _Duo_.

It was intoxicating - far stronger than the shots he had reluctantly drunk at the wedding reception.

Duo's slid his hands down, over Trowa's chest and his belly and his hips to the waist of his trousers.

Duo unfastened his belt and then looked up into Trowa's eyes again.

Trowa nodded, giving Duo permission. Begging him to continue.

Duo's mouth tipped upwards and he unfastened the fly of Trowa's trousers. He tugged, and Trowa obligingly lifted his hips.

Duo pulled the trousers and Trowa's boxers down to Trowa's thighs, where Duo sat, straddling him.

"Will you punch me if I tell you you're beautiful?" Duo asked, his voice breathless.

Trowa could feel his heart thundering, could feel it wildly trying to beat its way free of his body. Could feel it begging to be in Duo's hands.

"No."

Duo gave him a crooked grin. "Good. Because I think I'd say it anyway, but you punch really fucking hard and I'm not in the mood. You're beautiful, Trowa. Your body is like a fucking sculpture. You're so perfect."

It was on the tip of Trowa's tongue to disagree but Duo leaned down and kissed a scar on Trowa's abdomen, a knife that had glanced off a rib and just barely missed an organ.

"I've dreamed about you for years, Trowa, but I never realized -" Duo shook his head. He stretched up to press another kiss to Trowa's lips.

It started light, just a nuzzle, a tease almost but then Duo opened his mouth and Trowa followed suit. Tongues and lips and teeth, they tangled together and Trowa felt his entire body, felt every nerve ending, focused on the kiss, on the feel of Duo against him, inside him.

Trowa rolled them over, struggling out of his shoes and the mess of his trousers and boxers as he did. Duo helped, lifting a leg and using his foot to push down the clothes until Trowa was naked, his skin sliding against Duo's, Duo's briefs the only thing separating them.

Trowa reached between them and tugged at the waistband of the briefs.

Duo twisted, shimmied out of them and it made Trowa smile, made him break the kiss and Duo chuckled.

Trowa leaned back on his elbow and looked at Duo's face, his flushed skin, his swollen lips, his unfocused eyes. He reached for Duo's left hand and laced their fingers together before lifting Duo's arm and pressing a kiss to the scar on the inside of his forearm, where Trowa had shoved a jagged shard of glass into it.

Duo's eyes narrowed and Trowa stared at him and waited.

"You should have told me. You shouldn't have let Heero be the one to tell me."

Trowa nodded. "I'm sorry."

Duo smirked and then waggled his eyebrows. "How about finally tucking me in then, huh?"

Trowa laughed. "And here I was thinking there were going to be a few steps between this and that."

"Oh yeah? Like what? I'm already undressed - already ready for bed."

"Mm," Trowa agreed. He looked down the length of Duo's body, his lean muscles, his half-hard cock and the thatch of dark curls. "Not completely," he said and rose to his knees. He lifted Duo's right leg and smoothed his hands down the calf to the ankle, sliding his fingers under the black dress sock and then tugging it off.

Duo's breath hitched and his leg jerked. Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"Are you -"

" _No_."

Trowa fought against the smirk on his face and forced a serious expression. He nodded solemnly and switched to the other foot.

Duo's body tensed in anticipation and Trowa did allow himself to smirk this time, as he smoothly removed the other sock without running his fingers over Duo's most definitely ticklish heels.

He reached back and removed his own socks.

"There. Now step one is complete."

"Oh? So what's step two?"

"Bedtime song? Read you a book?"

Duo snorted. "I've heard you sing - I think I'll pass."

Trowa looked around.

"I don't see any books. Guess I'll just have to improvise."

Duo arched an eyebrow in challenge.

"Once upon a time," Trowa began and Duo laughed and tucked his hands behind his head, settling in. "Once upon a time there was a boy," Trowa held up his right index finger, "named Pointer."

"Pointer? Not a terribly clever name."

"Okay _Duo_ , Anyway, Pointer lived in a village at the base of a hill." Trowa gently pressed his finger into the skin at the base of Duo's ankle. "Pointer lived in the village with his grandmother and when his grandmother got sick, Pointer volunteered to travel to the other side of the kingdom to fetch a special medicine for her. The journey would be long and dangerous, but pointer loved his grandmother, so he set off. The first leg of his trip," Trowa smirked and started moving his finger up Duo's leg, "was through the thick grasses on the plain." He moved his finger through Duo's leg hair, swirling the hairs around before scraping his nail lightly over Duo's skin.

Duo sucked in a breath and Trowa looked up at him.

"Go on," Duo prompted.

Trowa moved his finger up to Duo's kneecap.

"Pointer climbed up a hill, a place where there was no grass and he settled in for the night. When he woke up the next day, though, he was no longer alone. In the night, four other men had appeared. They introduced themselves as Tallman, Ringman, Pinky and Thumbman."

Duo snorted a laugh.

"They asked Pointer what he was doing on their land and he explained. The four men walked away from the hill to confer." Trowa curved his index finger up and moved his other fingers around to the inside of Duo's knee and moved them around.

Duo tried to shy away but Trowa leaned his weight on Duo's body, holding him in place.

"The four men decided to help Pointer on his quest - after all, once the boy made it out of the plains there was a thick, dangerous forest to navigate."

Duo bit his lip and Trowa was momentarily distracted, transfixed by the sight until he forced himself to look away.

"So the men returned to Pointer and said they would escort him but only if Pointer agreed to help carry Thumbman - who liked to be carried everywhere. Pointer agreed, and the five set off through the plains once more."

Trowa ran his fingers up Duo's thigh and the other man shivered and spread his legs apart as Trowa trailed his hand over his inner thigh.

"The group reached a strange outcropping," Trowa said and moved his hand over to Duo's scrotum, rubbing his fingers over the ribbed flesh, pressing down just hard enough to make Duo shift and push back against him. "This was the last safe place before they would enter the forest, and the group spread out to collect supplies, searching all over the outcropping." He wrapped his hand around the sack and massaged it, pulling the skin taut and running his index and thumb over the skin at the base of Duo's cock until Duo moaned.

His kept working over the skin until Duo's cock was hard, standing at full attention and leaking precum.

Duo's hands were still behind his head, but Trowa could see they were clenched against a pillow now, no longer folded with ease.

"Pointer, always a curious boy, searched in a dark crevice that the others refused to enter." Trowa ran his index finger down, over Duo's perineum and teased his rectum.

Duo's thigh muscles bunched together and Trowa listened to his uneven breathing, Duo's arousal fueling his own. He felt his cock harden and shifted, adjusting himself so that his cock rested on Duo's other thigh.

He heard Duo suck in a breath and looked up to see Duo's eyes fixed on his cock.

"Seriously. You're a fucking work of art, Trowa."

Duo's praise, his obvious pleasure at just the sight of Trowa, gave him a very primitive sense of pride.

He smirked and returned his attention to Duo.

"But the group came up with nothing and so, their supplies running low, tired and thirsty, they made their way into the forest."

He spread his fingers back out and traced them through Duo's pubic hair, ignoring his cock for a moment.

"The forest was so thick that they lost their way and got separated. They ran around frantically, searching for each other."

Trowa moved his fingers around, tugging on Duo's hair and teasing him until Duo was wiggling closer to him and Trowa chuckled.

"Pointer looked up and he saw a tall, strangely shaped rock. Meet me at the rock, he shouted at the others. Slowly, everyone made their way to the base of the rock and they rested for a moment against it."

Trowa circled the base of Duo's cock with his hand.

"We should climb to the top and try to see a way out of the forest, Pinky suggested. Everyone was tired but they worked together and climbed to the top."

Trowa moved his hand up Duo's cock in a loose fist. "It wasn't an easy climb - they slipped and fell a few times and had to start over." He moved his hand up and down and Duo, bottom lip still caught between his teeth, moaned and pushed against Trowa, arching up into his hand.

"Finally, they reached the top and Pointer fell face first into a strange puddle." Trowa pressed his finger against the precum on Duo's cockhead. "Pointer had no idea what the puddle was - but it tasted wonderful and he was so thirsty. The others crowded around to try to taste it as well, but there wasn't enough to go around. Thumbman noticed, though, that when they all moved around, the rock produced a little more of the liquid. So he suggested they try to pump more from the rock." Trowa squeezed Duo's cock into a tight grip and moved his hand up and down again, rolling the smooth flesh as he pulled and pushed. "Over and over they tried, pumping and pumping, desperate for more of that magical liquid."

"Oh God, Trowa," Duo humped against him, lifting his hips to meet Trowa's hand.

Trowa smirked.

"Pointer heard a loud cry from the sky and he told the others it must be working - they just needed to try a bit harder, just pump for a bit longer."

Duo nodded in agreement and he squeezed his eyes closed. "Yes, yes," he moaned. "God, yes. Just - fuck, I'm so close, Tro."

"Please, Pointer and the others begged the rock. Please come for us. Please give us more to drink. Please, Duo, come."

Duo shuddered, his body rocking forward and spurts of cum shot from his cock, landing on Trowa's hand and Duo's belly. Trowa continued to move his hand over Duo's cock, waiting for him to come back down.

Duo's face was slack and his breathing ragged. "That was - that was good, Trowa."

Duo grinned at him and Trowa found himself returning the expression. Duo grinned too rarely these days. It was, Trowa realized, an accomplishment to earn that from him - to see him so unguarded and content.

"We should get back to Pointer and his friends," Trowa said.

Duo laughed.

"There's more?"

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"Unless you'd like him to forget about his dying grandmother? Would you like him to just spend the rest of his life climbing this rock over and over again?"

"Yes," Duo chuckled.

"You're heartless."

"I'm horny," Duo corrected, "And I've been dying for you to touch me for _years._ Forgive me if grandma takes a back seat."

Trowa scoffed. "She will never take a backseat for Pointer. _Anyway_. He and the others drank their fill and then bathed in the magical liquid." Trowa coated his fingers in the cum and Duo shivered as it came into contact with his skin again, considerably cooler than it had been when leaving his body. "Sated and able to see what direction to travel in, they left the rock and went back through the forest. When they made it out of the forest they found a small lake of the same liquid and once again they drank their fill." Trowa smeared cum over Duo's belly and the other man snorted a laugh. "They continued to venture north, through a desert with only a single trail of grass." Trowa walked his hand over Duo's naval and up to his chest. "Finally, the men told Pointer that if he kept going - if he climbed up that last mountain, he would find the medicine he needed to cure his grandmother. The group said their goodbyes and Pointer continued alone, climbing up a very steep cliff." Trowa ran his index finger from Duo's throat up his chin. "But finally, there it was, the magic cavern where the medicine was."

Duo lifted an eyebrow and Trowa tapped on his lips.

Duo rolled his eyes but he opened his mouth and Trowa dipped his index finger inside. He felt Duo flick his tongue and then gently bite down.

Trowa smirked at that and then pulled his finger out.

"Now that Pointer had the medicine, he quickly made his way home, travelling down the cliff, over the desert, and back into the forest. He stopped to rest by the rock again, but it had changed, had fallen down and gotten smaller, so he didn't try to drink from it again. Instead, he made his way back through the plains and finally, back to his village. He gave his grandmother the medicine - and they lived happily ever after."

Duo frowned. "Really? Pointer doesn't become like… an explorer or something and decide to go back to the rock and see if he can get it to, er, grow?"

Trowa smirked and shrugged. "Maybe, but that's not part of _this_ bedtime story."

Duo snorted. "Okay, well now that story time is over what's step three?"

Trowa looked at the drying spots of cum on Duo's body and his own hand.

"Well, it looks like something happened to get you a little messy, why don't I clean you off?"

Duo nodded and Trowa leaned down to lick up the spots left behind by his fingers and Duo's initial ejaculation.

As he cleaned Duo's belly he could feel Duo's cock against his chest, could feel it start to get hard again and he moved lower, licking through Duo's pubic hair and down to the still soft flesh.

"Think I should get this too?" He asked.

Duo nodded.

Trowa took his cock into his mouth and he sucked Duo until he was hard again, until his length was too much for Trowa's mouth to accommodate and then he let the cock fall from between his lips.

"I can go on to step four, which is pulling down the sheets, or we can take a detour," he told Duo.

"I like detours," Duo said eagerly.

"Where do you keep your condoms and lube?"

Duo was up off the bed before Trowa had even finished the question and Trowa watched the other man cross the room and disappear into the bathroom. Duo came out seconds later, smirk on his face, loot in his hands.

He climbed back onto the bed.

"Now, what was this about a detour?"

Trowa chuckled and removed the cap on the lube. He spread some on his fingers and then sat up and straddled Duo's hips.

He reached back and started to prepare himself, sliding one slick finger into his rectum while holding Duo's gaze.

Duo reached back and grabbed his ass, spreading his cheeks and digging his fingers into the flesh.

"No story to go with this?" Duo asked.

"No. I _was_ going to sing you a song about the long haired knight with a huge cock who fucked his way to glory, but someone thinks I have a shit singing voice."

Duo chuckled and the sound sent shivers down Trowa's spine.

He let his eyes roam over Duo's body, feasting on the sight of him as he added a second finger. He had wanted this for so long, had thought it would _never_ happen. He didn't want to rush this.

One of Duo's hands moved to Trowa's cock, tugging at the skin just below the head, teasing him.

Trowa rocked back on his fingers and hissed in pleasure as he hit his prostate.

"I can't wait to see you come," Duo breathed. "God, Trowa. I want to bury my cock in you and make you shout so badly."

"Then it's a good thing your neighbors don't care about noise complaints."

He had listened to Duo bitch about his neighbors, about their biweekly shouting matches.

Duo smirked and he reached for a condom.

Trowa watched Duo roll it on over his cock, watched him stroke the covered flesh a few times before smoothing lube down the hard length.

Trowa shifted and guided Duo's cock to his entrance. He teased the head around his rectum for a moment, spreading the lube and earning an impatient grunt from Duo.

Slowly, he eased down, filling himself and he sighed in contentment. It felt good. As good as he had always imagined it would.

"God you're perfect, Trowa," Duo moaned. The hand on Trowa's cock continued to move, continued to stroke him and Trowa lifted himself and then pushed back down on Duo's cock, taking his time, enjoying the feeling of _finally_ having Duo fuck him.

The build was gradual. Deliciously slow and Trowa tried to draw it out as long as he could, fighting against Duo's efforts to speed things up, setting his own pace and maybe he enjoyed the tortured sounds Duo made, maybe he enjoyed the way Duo looked up at him with pleading eyes and the way he moved his hand over Trowa's cock as he silently begged for more.

"You still want me shout?" Trowa didn't know if he could, if he would. A lifetime of learning to be silent, to be invisible, had not lent itself to Trowa being particularly vocal in bed. Then again, he had never had a partner that encouraged it either.

Duo nodded eagerly.

"Yes. I want you to lose control, Trowa. I want you wild."

Duo unexpectedly thrust into Trowa, upsetting his rhythm and making Trowa moan when Duo's cock bumped against his prostate. "This is not wild, Tro. This is too controlled - you gotta let go. Let go for me."

And so he did. He abandoned his slow, torturous rhythm and adopted a frantic pace, taking Duo's cock deep into his body before lifting up and slamming back down, his ass slapping against Duo's thighs with each repetition.

It left both of them panting and struggling to breathe.

"Fuck, yes. Yes, Trowa." Duo encouraged him with his words and his hands. "Just like that. God, you're good. You're perfect, Tro. So perfect. So beautiful. Tro, I'm gonna come again - I'm going to come in you Tro, just like I've fucking dreamed."

He watched Duo's face contort in pleasure, watched his mouth fall open as he groaned, as his fingers dug into Trowa's ass and he felt Duo's cock pulse, even through the condom and it made Trowa feel powerful in a way he very rarely felt.

The sight of Duo, so wrecked and spent beneath him, the feel of Duo's hand tightening on his cock echoing his final thrusts, pushed Trowa over the edge.

He gripped Duo's shoulders and he let himself go. He let himself feel the orgasm wash over him and he shouted Duo's name.

Years of wanting to - of whispering Duo's name as he bit into his own hand to stifle his cries of pleasure, of calling it out in his mind as someone else fucked him - escaped him in that moment and he was loud. So much louder than he had anticipated.

After, Duo held him, pressed Trowa's face to his chest and Trowa listened to the steady thud of his heartbeat and it settled him back in reality.

"I dunno about you, Tro, but I think I'm too tired for whatever other steps you have planned."

Trowa chuckled. He felt boneless and exhausted and _good_ for the first time in years. It was like the heady, shaky feeling he got after a surge of adrenaline, after a battle - but different. So much better.

"Why don't we just skip to the last step?" He suggested.

"Which is?"

"Kissing you goodnight of course."

He lifted his head and saw Duo grinning at him.

"Of course," Duo agreed.

It was soft, _sweet_ if Trowa was forced to use that word. Just a gentle brush of their lips and then Duo was adjusting them, rolling over and pulling Trowa's back to his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist and idly tracing his fingers over the scar on Trowa's right forearm that was a mirror of the one on his left.

-o-

Endnote: Hey! If you're enjoying the 31 Days of Smut, or just my writing in general, check out the ebook I published on Amazon it's cheap (or free if you have Kindle Unlimited) and super smutty. It's Ponyboy by C. Barton.


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